The Best Three Years

Exactly three years ago today, my sweetheart and I were married in Idaho Falls, ID.  It is hard for me to believe it has already been three years.  I can honestly say it has been the best three years of my life.  I have loved and grown in ways that I never expected or thought possible.  My gratitude for marriage and my understanding of its purpose have increased tremendously.  I want to share three personal lessons I've learned in three years of marriage.

1)  Marriage is about changing- When you bring together a husband and wife, you are combining both strengths and weaknesses.  Men and women are perfectly complimentary, and marriage is the beautiful way in which the best of both are brought together.  I have seen so many of Krista's natural strengths that I have tried to implement in myself.  I have learned so, so much from her in the past three years, and I'm a much better man for it.  Marriage makes you one, and provides the opportunity to combine the very best things about one another, with each spouse becoming like the other in the very best ways.  

2)  Marriage is about effort- If you think you can passively coast through marriage, you will miss out on the limitless potential that marriage has.  The act of marriage itself will not change you.  There must be a desire to become better and a willingness to admit that you need to be better.  You must have the humility to accept the fact that you have weaknesses, and the drive to do whatever it takes to improve.  Never, ever settle for, "this is just who I am."  The satisfaction you receive in marriage is directly correlated with what you put in.

3)  Marriage is about love- It's the most selfless, powerful love that exists in the world.  Marriage takes the focus completely away from yourself, and places it completely on another.  In marriage you learn that the most powerful happiness comes from the happiness of someone else.  My most joyful experiences have come in Krista's triumphs and happiness.  The most intense pain I have ever felt has come in her sorrows and disappointment.  I don't live for myself anymore.  I live for her.  I am incomplete and broken without her.  She makes me whole. 

Having Krista by my side has been the greatest blessing in the world.  I love her more than words can express, and I am still amazed  by her selflessness and love.  She has SO much to give, and I'm the luckiest guy in the world to be the recipient of that.  I've spent our whole marriage trying to reach her level, and I imagine I'll be chasing her forever.  In the past three years, I've been a personal witness of the wisdom of God in establishing and ordaining marriage.  It has changed me, and will continue to change me forever.    

Be There

There are so many amazing lessons to be learned in everything that surrounds us. But undoubtedly, life can distract us just as often as it can enlighten us. How grateful I am for inspired men and women around me who can teach me lessons that I miss in the commotion that accompanies living.

My branch president, President Bellows, taught me an important lesson this morning. I learned the importance of "being there". We will all feel inadequate at times. Our weaknesses will manifest themselves because of our imperfect nature, and they will become magnified in our eyes. During these moments of self-doubt or fear that we're not up to the task, remember to simply "be there", and the Lord will make the most of you.

So much of the gospel is being where you know you should be. Mt. Sinai was where Moses needed to be, and he made sure to "be there". He was slow of speech, not anyone's idea of God's mouthpiece, the deliverer of God's people. However, God called and empowered Moses, giving him the tools he needed to fulfill that call. King Naaman was there at the River Jordan when instructed to, and was made clean (2 Kings 5). Nephi didn't have a clue as to how to accomplish his task, but he went to Jerusalem despite that. He knew he just needed to "be there", and the Lord would provide a way (1 Nephi 3-4) To illustrate a sad exmple of what can happen when we're not there, while David should have been leading his men to battle, he "tarried still at Jerusalem" (2 Samuel 11:1), and then had the experience that would lead to his spiritual downfall.

When you wake up in the morning, "be there" at your bedside on your knees. If you get a call or a text from someone who needs your help, "be there", and allow God to use you as an instrument in His hands. When it's Sunday morning, "be there" at church, and allow God to touch your life. Be where you feel you should be, be where God calls you, and He will do the rest. He has always been there. He did not hesitate in Gethsemane when His apostles slept. He did not stop later on when His followers fled. When He was left alone to face unfathomable pain, He was there on the cross, where He knew we needed Him to be. Forever, He will "be there" for you and for me. As He promised Joshua, so He promises us, "This day will I begin to magnify thee...that they may know that, as I was with Moses, so I am with thee" (Joshua 3:7).

What's Your Motivation?

On the 12th of this month, I got engaged to the most amazing girl I've ever met. I learned that being engaged is a wonderful feeling, a very exciting feeling. It's one of many things I've learned over the past few weeks. What I want to share with you today is a lesson I learned in my management class this summer. I took this class over the summer so I could graduate in December from the University of Oklahoma. I completed the class a few weeks ago, and just made the gospel connection this week. A mini-lesson within the bigger lesson: One reason we search for knowledge is because the Lord can always pull from that knowledge to teach you. The more you learn, the more the Lord has to draw from and connect to gospel principles. There really are patterns in all things, so the more you learn about the world around you, the more you can learn about the gospel! Now for the main lesson-

In my management class, I had the opportunity to learn about the ethics based Kohlberg Theories. These theories explain Kohlberg's view on moral development, and what motivates people to be ethical, to live according to a value system. Kohlberg says that there are three levels of motivation that people fit into.

1) Pre-Conventional- This level describes those who follow the rules in order to avoid punishment. They know what the standards are, and that if they aren't followed, there could be unpleasant consequences. This is their motivation for living by a code of ethics.

2) Conventional- This is a step up from living standards out of fear, but not quite at the level of being motivated from within. Conventional people are those who live to fulfill expectations of others. They understand that rewards are in place if they can live up to those expectations.

3) Post-Conventional- These people are internally motivated. They have their own standards and values, regardless of what happens around them. They don't have to be compelled to act because the standard is who they are.

Galatians 6:9 says, "Let us not be weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." When I think of the phrase, "weary in well-doing", I think of pre-conventional or conventional levels. If we have a quota we feel like we need to meet each day, or a point at which we feel we've done our fair share of good, we need to look inside and assess what motivates us. Our goal should be to get to a point where doing good is our nature, and it's our heart's desire to do good. It has to come from inside, not from fear or to get blessings. So what motivates you?

Weaknesses

This week I had a wonderful opportunity to go to Orlando for Ernst & Young's IILC (International Intern Leadership Conference). It was the perfect ending to what has been a wonderful experience for me this summer. One of the speakers at this conference was Rick Alden, CEO of Skull Candy, producers of head phones. He said something that really stuck out to me, something that I've thought about a lot since I heard it. He said, "I think my greatest strength has been my ability to recognize my weaknesses." Rick was a political science major, and knew nothing about how to start a business, and yet now he is CEO of his own company. Rick surrounded himself with the right people, and together they made his vision a reality. What does this have to do with the gospel?

We've all been blessed with spiritual gifts, and when we worship together, those gifts come together to bless the lives of everyone. 1 Corinthians 14:26 says, "when ye come together, every one of you hath a psalm, hath a doctrine, hath a tongue, hath a revelation, hath an interpretation. Let all things be done unto edifying." In a church body, our weaknesses are strengthened by those around us, just as Rick Alden's were in building his company. Everyone has been given a gift. Those gifts are meant to be used!

Weaknesses are meant to bring us closer to Christ. Recognizing them is a step towards the Savior. Ether 12:27 says that we're given weaknesses so we can be humble. As we pray with humility, God will show us ways in which we can improve ourselves.

With God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). There are no weaknesses which cannot be overcome through Christ. Continue to have hope, and remember that weaknesses are meant to be conquered.

Many who the Lord has called have had feelings of inadaquecy. Moses was slow of speech, Nephi felt like a "wretched man", Moroni felt weak in writing. Remember, 1) Weaknesses make us humble, and when humility is present, growth can occur unhindered. 2) Pray to know your weaknesses. Be eager to learn and grow. The Lord will show you your weaknesses. 3) Trust in God's power. All things are possible in Him.

The Runway

Yesterday, very early in the morning, I took my dad to the airport to catch a flight out to Utah. It was still dark outside, as the sun had not begun its rise. After dropping my dad off and starting the drive home, I looked at the runway which was covered in bright blue lights. From my point of view, the paths that those lights created for pilots were not visible. All I could see was a mass of blue dots spread randomly over the runway. I realized that what a pilot sees as he approaches those lights is much different than what I saw because from high in the air, a pilot sees it all- the big picture.

God is our Pilot. Much of what happens to us and others will not make sense to us in the moment. During these moments, it's important to remember these things.

1) "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9). God knows what we do not know. Everything that happens to us can increase our growth and bring us closer to God. Remember this and you won't question His purpose or His love.

2) Because God's ways and man's ways are different, much of what God requires of us will seem counter-intuitive. Leave the ninety and nine sheep for the one which is lost (Matthew 18:12), the first shall be last (Luke 13:30), Naaman's miraculous cleansing in the unclean River Jordan (2 Kings 5:10-12), "he that findeth his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it" (Matthew 10:39). When we're tempted to ask "why", recall that much of what God has asked from His children is beyond man's understanding.

3) Just because God's purposes are beyond our understanding doesn't mean we can't know His purpose for our lives. Doctrine and Covenants 5:24- "if he will bow down before me, and humble himself in mighty prayer and faith, in the sincerity of his heart, then will I grant unto him a view of the things which he desires to see." We can see what God sees if we ask Him in faith and humility. We can have the view of the Pilot.

Jesus, Savior, pilot me
Over life's tempestuous sea;
Unknown waves before me roll,
Hiding rock and treach'rous shoal.
Chart and compass came from thee;
Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

Faith of our Fathers

Today is a pretty special day for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For those who may not be familiar with our faith, on July 24th, 1847, Brigham Young lead the first group of LDS pioneers into the Salt Lake Valley. It was a long and treacherous journey which required faith beyond comprehension. This experience from a man who made the journey, pulling a handcart the whole way, is an example of many miracles that occurred during the trek. He said,

"I have pulled my handcart when I was so weak and weary from illness and lack of food that I could hardly put one foot ahead of the other. I have looked ahead and seen a patch of sand or a hill slope and I have said, I can go only that far and there I must give up, for I cannot pull the load through it...I have gone on to that sand and when I reached it, the cart began pushing me. I have looked back many times to see who was pushing my cart, but me eyes saw no one. I knew then that the angels of God were there."

I am grateful for the faith of those who have gone before me- the New Testament Christians, who suffered martyrdom for Christ's sake, for early members of the church who were beaten, driven from their homes, and killed for their beliefs. Under such circumstances, it would've been easy to give in and end their suffering. They could've stopped it at any time with a simple retraction of what they had claimed was truth. Why didn't they? Because true faith and conviction didn't allow it. It's my hope that we seek to develop and strengthen our faith, and follow in the footsteps of our fathers, footsteps full of faith.

See the Stars

I came across a quote this week that contributed so well to where much of my focus has been lately. It's by Charles A. Beard, who said "When it is dark enough, you can see the stars."

The world is caught in a moral decline that seems unstoppable. Natural disasters, war, poverty, and crime have taken over our television screens. The future of the economy is in serious doubt by many. With all of these things happening in the world today, it would be easy to allow fear and uncertainty to creep into our hearts, to give in to pessimism and negative thoughts. "Dark" would be a justifiable adjective in describing much of what the world is today. What has struck me overwhelmingly this week is that despite all of what is dark, if we look we can see The Star.

Mosiah 16:9 says, "He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless..." Compare this with John 8:12, "I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." Jesus Christ is that light. He is "the bright and morning star" we can look to when it's dark (Revelation 16:22).

Jeffrey R. Holland said, "To any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope, I say: Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you. Things will improve. Christ comes to you in His 'more excellent ministry' with a future of 'better promises'. He is your 'high priest of good things to come.'" It was Christ Himself, who had before Him a mission which would cause incomprehensible sorrow and pain, yet said to His apostles before His suffering, "be of good cheer" (John 16:33).

It is my belief that no matter how hard things get, no matter what life throws at you, no matter how dark it gets, the light of the Savior will be more visible than ever before. Each of us has a choice to accept our circumstances and believe that there are better things to come. It is up to you.

The things which we in visions see

Are heralds of the things to be;

For what we dream, we do.

Desires which in our beings burn,

The hopes with which our bosoms yearn,

Are destined to come true.

-Colfax Harman